Disclaimer:
This is a story of my relationship experience.
If you read mine, years later after I wrote it in here, he probably has changed to be a better person than I've known. But still, I just want to share it here as my private story or it can be a lesson to my future relationship - perhaps.
I just don't wanna do the third same-mistakes in my life. So, I gotta remind myself here.
Dear Lala,
I trust you are well and in good health whenever you are, wherever you are. This is 22 years old Lala writing the letter. I am writing to warn you to not let other people choose the direction of your life. In the end, you must decide.
I've been so denial for a very long time that I've trapped in a toxic relationship for years. Otherwise, in regards to staying awake from reality, I'm trying my best to help everyone's life from every toxic relationship that they had. I promise them that they will have a better life with a better guy/girl. But I never promise it to myself. I'm too afraid of the truth that someone whom I love so much is the same person who hurt me the most.
He is my first love, my serious one. Uh, you used to love him a lot. He is a good guy but maybe not for me or not for now. I had accompanied him since we were in high school. It was good memories to remember. We were sat in 12th grade, rarely speaking to each other and I forgot how the hell the sparks happened to us.
Back in 2014, Everyone knew me as the quiet girl who likes sitting alone under the trees, dreaming about how wonderful my life is going to be. My life. My ambition. It was so simple yet it also fun. I kept my eyes closed to any men cause I'm so afraid to fall in love with the wrong guy. Unfortunately, maybe God told me that if you want to be a strong woman, you should know how it feels when a man breaks your heart.
It felt so right at first. I'm gonna tell you why I thought that he's the right one at that time. It just a fucking simple reason because he made me feel...worthy. People used to call me as an independent woman. I don't know why. Well, sometimes I hate it. For me, being independent doesn't mean you don't need someone else, often because you have no other choices. Subsequently, when lots of men don't want to take a risk with me because I'm too independent, he came to my life and brave enough to take the risks. He convinces me that everything is gonna be okay when we are together. He made me feel the thing that I've never felt before. Butterflies in my stomach. That's crazy because, to be frank, he's far away from my type. Then, yeah. I deeply falling in love for the first time and I know he felt the same way too.
Until everything feels different.
There comes a moment when he made me feel so anxious to the extent that I could not handle it anymore. He changed into a different person until care, love, upset, and disappointed feels so blurry for me. But maybe I have changed too. I don't know, he never told me what he exactly feels about me.
I love him a lot until I realize I'm not in a healthy relationship. This is toxic. He changed a lot through man phases and he pushed me to tolerate everything he did, while he would not do the same for me. There comes a time, when I felt that he tried to use me as his social experiment.
I found my self too codependent on him but he never appreciates my present. I've always tried my best to be on his side when he needed me, but he rarely did the same thing. I felt responsible for his life but there were times when he pushed me away. I really want to make him a good guy, a successful one. With or without me. You know, I'm not the type of girl that does romantic shits but don't you ever dare to doubt my loyalty to someone whom I love.
The ridiculous thing is..I've ever imagined myself to be a full housewife because he doesn't like a career woman to being his wife.
Well, Me. The ambitious me. The one that people always imagine as an independent woman. Yes, I trapped in love that not pursued me to be me. It sucks. I know, I hope when you read it years later after I wrote it, you are already comfortable with your own skin. You may say "Oh, you stupid bitch. How can you sacrifice your life to the person who didn't really care about you as much as you did?"
Last but not least. he was cheating. That was the moment when I realize he is not the one.
I know. I'm a dumbass. lol
I cannot deal with him anymore. This is so fckin hurt for me to realize that I'm falling in love with the wrong person for 5 years. I don't know him anymore and somehow we became strangers.
But you should know that I learned a lot from my love experience. I do realize that I am beyond everything and I do deserve happiness in the world.
When you read this, I hope you didn't get hurt anymore. I hope you already find someone new who respects and loves you as much as you do. I hope he always supports you no matter what and pushes you into the best version of yourself because Lala...that is the kind of relationship that you're looking for. Let my stupidity be the lesson for you to not falling in love with the wrong person again because you already know how the wrong one felt like.
I love you. Please keep inspiring. I know you gonna have a great life ahead.
Sincerely,
L
This is a story of my relationship experience.
If you read mine, years later after I wrote it in here, he probably has changed to be a better person than I've known. But still, I just want to share it here as my private story or it can be a lesson to my future relationship - perhaps.
I just don't wanna do the third same-mistakes in my life. So, I gotta remind myself here.
Dear Lala,
I trust you are well and in good health whenever you are, wherever you are. This is 22 years old Lala writing the letter. I am writing to warn you to not let other people choose the direction of your life. In the end, you must decide.
I've been so denial for a very long time that I've trapped in a toxic relationship for years. Otherwise, in regards to staying awake from reality, I'm trying my best to help everyone's life from every toxic relationship that they had. I promise them that they will have a better life with a better guy/girl. But I never promise it to myself. I'm too afraid of the truth that someone whom I love so much is the same person who hurt me the most.
He is my first love, my serious one. Uh, you used to love him a lot. He is a good guy but maybe not for me or not for now. I had accompanied him since we were in high school. It was good memories to remember. We were sat in 12th grade, rarely speaking to each other and I forgot how the hell the sparks happened to us.
Back in 2014, Everyone knew me as the quiet girl who likes sitting alone under the trees, dreaming about how wonderful my life is going to be. My life. My ambition. It was so simple yet it also fun. I kept my eyes closed to any men cause I'm so afraid to fall in love with the wrong guy. Unfortunately, maybe God told me that if you want to be a strong woman, you should know how it feels when a man breaks your heart.
It felt so right at first. I'm gonna tell you why I thought that he's the right one at that time. It just a fucking simple reason because he made me feel...worthy. People used to call me as an independent woman. I don't know why. Well, sometimes I hate it. For me, being independent doesn't mean you don't need someone else, often because you have no other choices. Subsequently, when lots of men don't want to take a risk with me because I'm too independent, he came to my life and brave enough to take the risks. He convinces me that everything is gonna be okay when we are together. He made me feel the thing that I've never felt before. Butterflies in my stomach. That's crazy because, to be frank, he's far away from my type. Then, yeah. I deeply falling in love for the first time and I know he felt the same way too.
Until everything feels different.
There comes a moment when he made me feel so anxious to the extent that I could not handle it anymore. He changed into a different person until care, love, upset, and disappointed feels so blurry for me. But maybe I have changed too. I don't know, he never told me what he exactly feels about me.
I love him a lot until I realize I'm not in a healthy relationship. This is toxic. He changed a lot through man phases and he pushed me to tolerate everything he did, while he would not do the same for me. There comes a time, when I felt that he tried to use me as his social experiment.
I found my self too codependent on him but he never appreciates my present. I've always tried my best to be on his side when he needed me, but he rarely did the same thing. I felt responsible for his life but there were times when he pushed me away. I really want to make him a good guy, a successful one. With or without me. You know, I'm not the type of girl that does romantic shits but don't you ever dare to doubt my loyalty to someone whom I love.
The ridiculous thing is..I've ever imagined myself to be a full housewife because he doesn't like a career woman to being his wife.
Well, Me. The ambitious me. The one that people always imagine as an independent woman. Yes, I trapped in love that not pursued me to be me. It sucks. I know, I hope when you read it years later after I wrote it, you are already comfortable with your own skin. You may say "Oh, you stupid bitch. How can you sacrifice your life to the person who didn't really care about you as much as you did?"
Last but not least. he was cheating. That was the moment when I realize he is not the one.
I know. I'm a dumbass. lol
I cannot deal with him anymore. This is so fckin hurt for me to realize that I'm falling in love with the wrong person for 5 years. I don't know him anymore and somehow we became strangers.
But you should know that I learned a lot from my love experience. I do realize that I am beyond everything and I do deserve happiness in the world.
When you read this, I hope you didn't get hurt anymore. I hope you already find someone new who respects and loves you as much as you do. I hope he always supports you no matter what and pushes you into the best version of yourself because Lala...that is the kind of relationship that you're looking for. Let my stupidity be the lesson for you to not falling in love with the wrong person again because you already know how the wrong one felt like.
I love you. Please keep inspiring. I know you gonna have a great life ahead.
Sincerely,
L
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